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TITLE: Angel and the Three Lawyers.

PART: 1/1.

AUTHOR: Patricia R.D.

E-MAIL: patricia_rosemary@yahoo.com

RATING: PG-13. (Yes. I write those too).

PAIRING: Angel/Lindsey. A

mention of Doyle/Cordelia.

DATE: 05/24/2000.

SPOILERS: Five by five. But Doyle's around. (Don't

ask)

ARCHIVE: Any site with my permission already. Everybody else just ask first, please.

DISCLAIMER: All this DWSG (Drool Worthy Salty

Goodness)

belongs to Joss Whedon and Co. Not copyright

infringement

intended.

FEEDBACK: Feel free to tell me I finally lost it.

SUMMARY: My own take on Goldilocks and the Three

Bears,

Angelverse style.

DEDICATED TO: Sephyrosu Jenova. Thanks sweetie. You

helped

me a lot. :)

WARNING: I think I was possessed when I wrote this.

And yes,

I mention both Doyle *and* Wesley in the fic. Any

complains

should be sent to dontcare@imso.nuts

Also I spent the weekend in Aruba and the sun may had

fried

a few brain cells.

The song is "La Cucaracha" (The cockroach) and tells

how

the bug can't walk because someone stole his main

foot

(Don't ask. I use to sing it when I'm drunk)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, in the city of Angels, there lived

three

lawyers named Lindsey McDonald, Lee Mercer and Lilah

Morgan, who worked for the evil law firm known as

Wolfram

and Hart. They were very bad lawyers, dedicated to

make

life easier for demons and mobsters and other ugly

things

in the city. A lot of people were afraid of them, not

only

for their connections and reputation, but because...,

well

they were lawyers. Nuff said.

One day, Lee and Lilah were on the Conference room

trying

to finish some paperwork when Lindsey appeared,

holding a

big box full of legal documents. His two colleagues

groaned as one when they saw him.

"More?" They asked. Lindsey nodded, setting the box on

the

conference table.

"The senior partners want this done by midnight,"

Lindsey

said.

 

With another collective groan, each lawyer took a

folder

and opened it.

"This one's too long," Lee whined letting the blue

folder

fall on the table.

"Mine's in some ancient demon language," Lilah

complained

holding her red folder open for everyone to see.

"And I mine's just plain boring," Lindsey said as he

closed

the green folder. "Why don't we take a break and go

down to

the bar? Lee's treat."

"Why me?" The lest-likable _and that's saying a lot_

lawyer

asked.

"For letting that brunette slayer kick your ass not

too

long ago."

"I should be treated for that," Lee complained as they

exited the conference room. "You were there and didn't

do

anything!"

"So sue us!" Lilah and Lindsey said at the same time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few minutes after the three lawyers left, the door

opened

and a dark-cladded figure entered. It was Angel, the

hot

sexy vampire with a soul who fought against the forces

of

darkness and had ruined a lot of Wolfram and Hart's

evil

schemes. He and Lindsey McDonald also had the hots for

each

other but were too proud to admit it.

Once he made sure there was nobody in the room, Angel

went

straight to the table and started looking into the

colored

folders, expecting to find some clue about the Three

Lawyers' next plan.

"If Doyle's vision was accurate," he said to himself.

"One

of this should have the information we need... and if

I'm

really lucky, a picture or something of Lindsey that I

could take for *personal uses*" A smile appeared on

his

lips as he thought of the hot lawyer.

He wasn't very lucky in the beginning. The first

folder

he opened was too long, even for him. The next one

contained documents written in Clafred Demon Language

(Mental Note. Next time, bring Wesley along, so he can

traduce this and stop complaining about Doyle and

Cordelia making out too much). But the last just had

some

pretty important-thought-just-plain-boring information

our

vampire really could use. An inspection of the

conference

room led him to a bottle of Buchanan 18 whiskey.

Smiling,

he settled in a chair (Lee's), but stood

almost immediately.

"Who the hell someone can work in a chair this

uncomfortable? some sort of iron-ass demon?"

 

He tried the next chair (Lilah's) but it was too soft

for

his taste.

"Girlie chair," he called it.

Finally he sat on Lindsay's

chair, and his crush's scent filled his nostrils,

making

him sigh before starting

to read, the already open bottle of whiskey beside

him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later.

"La cucrashaaaa, la cu...crashaaa," Lee Mercer half

sang

as the three lawyers came out of the elevator and

walked

throughout the corridor. Lee's partners, as drunk as

he,

followed the Cucaracha song as best as they could,

laughing

hard, thankful that they were the only people in the

building...

Until they entered the office and saw the vampire

sleeping

in Lindsey's chair, Lindsey's über-boring, apparently

sleep-inducing green folder in one hand and Lee's

apparently not-so-well hidden bottle of Whiskey in the

other. He was snoring a little too.

The lawyers laughed. Lee walked to his place on the

conference table.

"Shomeone's een shitting on my cher and reding my

folders,"

he managed to say. Lilah sat on her chair and looked

around.

"Shome *vamp's* been shitting on me cher too!"

With a big smile, Lindsey sat down on Angel's lap,

causing

the drunk dark-haired vampire to wake up.

"And he'sh shtil 'ere!" The good looking lawyer said

before kissing a surprised Angel.

"Linshey..." Angel said.

 

The vampire tried to disentangle himself from

Lindsey's

embrace, but the lawyer kept his lips pressed firmly

against the vampire's, and it felt really good, so

angel

decided to give in for a second.

"Shee!" Lilah said hitting Lee on the arm. "Told ya!

Now

paya."

Lee drew a 20 out of his wallet while Lilah started

singing. "Linshey 'n 'ngel, shitting ona three..."

while

opening and closing drawers.

On Lindsey's chair, the vampire and the lawyer _not

seeing

the difference here_ seemed to be having a great time

with

their make out session. So they didn't realize what

Lilah

and Lee were up to after he paid her until a flash

make

them break their kiss and look around.

"Perfeshh," Lee said taking another picture with his

polaroid. Beside him, Lilah held a camcorder and

talked

about how that tape would a great ice breaker on the

next

Firm party.

Angel decided it was time to make an exit.

"Gotta go, Linshey," he said. He stood letting poor

Lindsey

fell clumsily to the floor and then managed to get the

green folder and stumble his way to the door, not

without

grabbing Lilah's camconder on the way out.

"Shanks, luv," he said. "She ya."

The Three lawyers didn't do anyhting to stop him.

Except

whimpering, in Lindsey's case. Lee fell on his knees

beside

his colleague, handing him the pictures.

"He'l be bak," he said.

Lindsey looked at him. "Ya shink?"

"Sur. Who kould reshist shexchy u?" With those words

Lee

Mercer leaned forward trying to capture Lindsey's

lips. But

the blue-eyed lawyer was already moving away, and all

Lee

got to kiss was the room's carpet.

Lilah was looking at the folders when Lindsey crawled

to

his chair beside her.

"Wha' he got?"

Lilah shook her head. "Shometin' portan'. We'r big

truble.

Wha' we do?"

The lawyers looked at each other for a second, then

they

talked as one:

"Bar againsh."

Clumsily they left the office and walked towards the

elevators. Lindsey putting the pictures in his pocket

and

planning to use them as Christmas postcards. Once in

the

elevator, Lee shook his head.

"We goin' to gesh ou ash kik!"

"At leash we got a leshon," Lilah said.

The two male lawyers looked at her.

"Huh?"

"Nesh time he comes, we lok 'im up sho Linshey can

play."

"Ow 'bout nesh time we lok the door and turn on de

alarm

sho he can't get in?" Lee said.

"Nah," answered Lindsey. "Like Lilah'sh beter."

"What we goin' to shey to the shenior patnes?" Lee

asked.

"We'll dink of shomething," Lindsey said. "The

vamnapire

ish sexchy and shmart, but we're even more shamrt and

dedlier. We're lawyers."

And the three lawyers had to agree on that one.

THE END.