TITLE: Angel and the Three Lawyers.
AUTHOR: Patricia R.D.
RATING: PG-13. (Yes. I write those too).
PAIRING: Angel/Lindsey. A
mention of Doyle/Cordelia.
SPOILERS: Five by five. But Doyle's around. (Don't
ARCHIVE: Any site with my permission already. Everybody else just ask first, please.
DISCLAIMER: All this DWSG (Drool Worthy Salty
belongs to Joss Whedon and Co. Not copyright
FEEDBACK: Feel free to tell me I finally lost it.
SUMMARY: My own take on Goldilocks and the Three
DEDICATED TO: Sephyrosu Jenova. Thanks sweetie. You
me a lot. :)
WARNING: I think I was possessed when I wrote this.
I mention both Doyle *and* Wesley in the fic. Any
should be sent to email@example.com
Also I spent the weekend in Aruba and the sun may had
a few brain cells.
The song is "La Cucaracha" (The cockroach) and tells
the bug can't walk because someone stole his main
(Don't ask. I use to sing it when I'm drunk)
Once upon a time, in the city of Angels, there lived
lawyers named Lindsey McDonald, Lee Mercer and Lilah
Morgan, who worked for the evil law firm known as
and Hart. They were very bad lawyers, dedicated to
life easier for demons and mobsters and other ugly
in the city. A lot of people were afraid of them, not
for their connections and reputation, but because...,
they were lawyers. Nuff said.
One day, Lee and Lilah were on the Conference room
to finish some paperwork when Lindsey appeared,
big box full of legal documents. His two colleagues
groaned as one when they saw him.
"More?" They asked. Lindsey nodded, setting the box on
"The senior partners want this done by midnight,"
With another collective groan, each lawyer took a
and opened it.
"This one's too long," Lee whined letting the blue
fall on the table.
"Mine's in some ancient demon language," Lilah
holding her red folder open for everyone to see.
"And I mine's just plain boring," Lindsey said as he
the green folder. "Why don't we take a break and go
the bar? Lee's treat."
"Why me?" The lest-likable _and that's saying a lot_
"For letting that brunette slayer kick your ass not
"I should be treated for that," Lee complained as they
exited the conference room. "You were there and didn't
"So sue us!" Lilah and Lindsey said at the same time.
A few minutes after the three lawyers left, the door
and a dark-cladded figure entered. It was Angel, the
sexy vampire with a soul who fought against the forces
darkness and had ruined a lot of Wolfram and Hart's
schemes. He and Lindsey McDonald also had the hots for
other but were too proud to admit it.
Once he made sure there was nobody in the room, Angel
straight to the table and started looking into the
folders, expecting to find some clue about the Three
Lawyers' next plan.
"If Doyle's vision was accurate," he said to himself.
of this should have the information we need... and if
really lucky, a picture or something of Lindsey that I
could take for *personal uses*" A smile appeared on
lips as he thought of the hot lawyer.
He wasn't very lucky in the beginning. The first
he opened was too long, even for him. The next one
contained documents written in Clafred Demon Language
(Mental Note. Next time, bring Wesley along, so he can
traduce this and stop complaining about Doyle and
Cordelia making out too much). But the last just had
pretty important-thought-just-plain-boring information
vampire really could use. An inspection of the
room led him to a bottle of Buchanan 18 whiskey.
he settled in a chair (Lee's), but stood
"Who the hell someone can work in a chair this
uncomfortable? some sort of iron-ass demon?"
He tried the next chair (Lilah's) but it was too soft
"Girlie chair," he called it.
Finally he sat on Lindsay's
chair, and his crush's scent filled his nostrils,
him sigh before starting
to read, the already open bottle of whiskey beside
A few hours later.
"La cucrashaaaa, la cu...crashaaa," Lee Mercer half
as the three lawyers came out of the elevator and
throughout the corridor. Lee's partners, as drunk as
followed the Cucaracha song as best as they could,
hard, thankful that they were the only people in the
Until they entered the office and saw the vampire
in Lindsey's chair, Lindsey's über-boring, apparently
sleep-inducing green folder in one hand and Lee's
apparently not-so-well hidden bottle of Whiskey in the
other. He was snoring a little too.
The lawyers laughed. Lee walked to his place on the
"Shomeone's een shitting on my cher and reding my
he managed to say. Lilah sat on her chair and looked
"Shome *vamp's* been shitting on me cher too!"
With a big smile, Lindsey sat down on Angel's lap,
the drunk dark-haired vampire to wake up.
"And he'sh shtil 'ere!" The good looking lawyer said
before kissing a surprised Angel.
"Linshey..." Angel said.
The vampire tried to disentangle himself from
embrace, but the lawyer kept his lips pressed firmly
against the vampire's, and it felt really good, so
decided to give in for a second.
"Shee!" Lilah said hitting Lee on the arm. "Told ya!
Lee drew a 20 out of his wallet while Lilah started
singing. "Linshey 'n 'ngel, shitting ona three..."
opening and closing drawers.
On Lindsey's chair, the vampire and the lawyer _not
the difference here_ seemed to be having a great time
their make out session. So they didn't realize what
and Lee were up to after he paid her until a flash
them break their kiss and look around.
"Perfeshh," Lee said taking another picture with his
polaroid. Beside him, Lilah held a camcorder and
about how that tape would a great ice breaker on the
Angel decided it was time to make an exit.
"Gotta go, Linshey," he said. He stood letting poor
fell clumsily to the floor and then managed to get the
green folder and stumble his way to the door, not
grabbing Lilah's camconder on the way out.
"Shanks, luv," he said. "She ya."
The Three lawyers didn't do anyhting to stop him.
whimpering, in Lindsey's case. Lee fell on his knees
his colleague, handing him the pictures.
"He'l be bak," he said.
Lindsey looked at him. "Ya shink?"
"Sur. Who kould reshist shexchy u?" With those words
Mercer leaned forward trying to capture Lindsey's
the blue-eyed lawyer was already moving away, and all
got to kiss was the room's carpet.
Lilah was looking at the folders when Lindsey crawled
his chair beside her.
"Wha' he got?"
Lilah shook her head. "Shometin' portan'. We'r big
Wha' we do?"
The lawyers looked at each other for a second, then
talked as one:
Clumsily they left the office and walked towards the
elevators. Lindsey putting the pictures in his pocket
planning to use them as Christmas postcards. Once in
elevator, Lee shook his head.
"We goin' to gesh ou ash kik!"
"At leash we got a leshon," Lilah said.
The two male lawyers looked at her.
"Nesh time he comes, we lok 'im up sho Linshey can
"Ow 'bout nesh time we lok the door and turn on de
sho he can't get in?" Lee said.
"Nah," answered Lindsey. "Like Lilah'sh beter."
"What we goin' to shey to the shenior patnes?" Lee
"We'll dink of shomething," Lindsey said. "The
ish sexchy and shmart, but we're even more shamrt and
dedlier. We're lawyers."
And the three lawyers had to agree on that one.